Around campus, I’ve been referred to as the “skinny girl.” When people first meet me, they sometimes say, “you’re so tiny!” Some of my friends seriously ask me, “why are you so skinny??”
My usual reaction to these comments is to fake a laugh and change the subject, because seriously, how do you expect me to respond??
Some people expect me to thank them for complimenting me even though those statements did more harm than good. In my opinion, calling someone skinny should be equivalent to calling someone fat. In both situations, you’re pointing out someone’s deviation from “normal” and making that person feel unattractive.
I know that in most societies, calling someone fat is considered an insult while skinny is usually meant as a compliment, therefore I should be grateful for my naturally fast metabolism and thin figure. Don’t get me wrong, I am definitely happy about the fact that I can eat whatever I want and not have to worry about gaining weight, but it also isn’t something that I can control.
I can’t gain weight no matter how much I eat. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. My doctor would always recommend that I gain at least 15 lbs in order to reach a healthy BMI. Whenever we did camp activities that involved carrying someone, I would be volunteered because I’m the easiest to lift (even though I fucking hate being carried by people I barely know). I’ve always been very thin and I’ve never been comfortable with that.
I would see people like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera on TV and I wanted their bodies. Because of my lack of a “woman’s body” I didn’t dress very femininely all throughout middle and high school. I never wore shorts above my knee because I had boney knees and chicken legs. I never wore tank tops because it would just show off my flat chest and protruding collar bones. Before buying a swimsuit, I would google “bikini styles for flat chests” or “how to look curvier”. My thin figure controlled what styles I wore, how I presented myself, and my self-confidence. I began to think that no guy would ever be interested in me because I basically looked like a boy. Especially in high school when guys were as horny as ever.
After being in college for a while now, I’ve now fully realized the power of having a woman’s body. No matter how flat and boney I think I am, all it takes is self-confidence to make me feel feminine again. Now, I have no problem wearing tank tops and I literally wear short shorts whenever I can.
Of course, I still get things like “do you even eat?” or “put some meat on those bones” but those are just passing statements. They don’t even matter to me anymore. They do, however, bother me when I hear them being told to mass audiences. Many people try to combat the media’s unreasonably thin portrayal of a woman by saying things like, “this isn’t how a real woman looks” or “guys like girls with curves”. Those things don’t affect me now, but as a young girl, I would’ve felt extremely guilty and unattractive.
It makes it even worse because the people saying these things think they’re being helpful and respectful towards women and their body image, but they’re making women like me feel like we have no right to call ourselves women. That’s not okay. I wear a size 0 and I’m almost 20 years old. Am I not allowed to call myself a woman?
I know these are meant to be motivational for women who weigh more than the women they see on TV, but why do you have to put down other body images to make you feel better about your own? It goes against your own cause because you’re subjecting another group of women to negative perceptions and judgments.
This trend has recently blown up with the popularity of songs like “All About That Bass" or "Anaconda”. Both of these songs talk about how curves are beautiful and degrade “skinny bitches”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for being proud about your body image, but seriously, why do you have to express that pride by insulting other body images??
All women are “real women” and as long as you are healthy and happy then you should just keep doing you. Personally, I’m still very underweight but I’m confident enough in myself to know that I can dress however I want and my confidence will be the first thing people notice about me instead of my thinness.
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
I’ve been thinking about whether or not I want to remain anonymous on this tumblog because 1) it would allow me to write more freely without having to think about any repercussions and 2) much less embarrassment.
Every once in a while I enjoy a nice alcoholic beverage and these beverages often result in very eventful evenings full of great vibes. These experiences are definitely things that I would want to blog about, but if my identity was out there, I don’t think I’d be able to do that at all.
I also encounter many social situations that I’d love to blog about. These might involve some acquaintances that would find it very off-putting to find a whole blog post written about the tiniest little encounter that they had with me and I don’t want to make anyone feel any more uncomfortable than I already do.
These are just a couple examples of the reasons against revealing my identity that have gone through my mind. The only advantages that I could think of is that I would get full credit for my writing, and I won’t feel like I have to hide who I am. Like, I could be specific and talk about what school I attend or things like that. A paranoid thought just popped into my head that someone will find this blog and figure out my identity then track me down and this is how I’m going to die.
I guess this isn’t even an online issue, it’s an issue of whether or not I want to tell my friends or family about this blog. That’s what really matters.
I can’t tell my family because I don’t tell them anything about my life. They can’t know that I drink, or party, or kiss boys, or kiss girls.
I could maybe tell some of my friends? However, I definitely act differently depending on which friend I’m hanging out with, and if they knew about this blog, that’s just a whole nother identity of Amy that they will get to know. That’s too much Amy. Oh shit I just told you my name.
I recently read a listicle on the things that are recommended you do before graduating college. One of those things was to share your passion with the world, and the internet is definitely the easiest way to do that. That is why I’m creating this blog.
I know that blogs are not very popular in the mainstream because most people ages 18-25 (aka the people who decide what’s “cool”) don’t want to sit down and read words. They want GIFs and videos, or other pretty things to keep them entertained.
However, although Buzzfeed lists are definitely fun to look at and a great way to waste time, my favorite Buzzfeed posts are their longreads. These articles are informative, mindful, and most importantly, thought-provoking. Sometimes these articles can be about the most mundane things, but in the end they make me think about my own life. It’s like Seinfeld (the show about nothing that somehow relates to and dissects everything in my life). It gives me high hopes for the future of writers on the internet and it would be a dream come true for me to be a part of that future.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I have an endless amount of opportunities in front of me and am faced with the challenge of deciding which ones to take advantage of. I’ve found that an easy way to make this decision is to imagine myself in a different stage of my life (perhaps post-graduation) and think about all the things that I will regret not doing.
One of those things is definitely starting a blog. I’ve already regretted it and now’s the time to turn that around.
Have you ever had that thought/complaint where you wished you started something way earlier? Well, in my opinion, if you keep thinking from the future, you’ll never have anything to think about but the past.
That sounds like a real quote but I actually just bullshitted it.
I think the internet provides a great medium for writers to reach wide audiences and although the majority of audiences are looking for instant gratification, I’m looking for long-lasting mindfulness. If that sounds like something you might be interested in, then welcome to this mess that I call a blog :)